Healthy Competition

Pairing: CrissColfer

Length: ~2000 words

This is a response to the CrissColferAUWednesday prompt gameshows. It kind of got away from me, as you can see.

It all started with a break in shooting and a lost remote.

The cast had been shooed back to their trailers, some kind of lighting issue that apparently took half the crew to fix. Lea and Chris had crashed Darren’s trailer, Chris for obvious reasons and Lea because, well, she was bored. Chris and Darren were cuddling at the end of his couch while Lea hunted for the remote.

“God dammit, Criss. Your trailer is by no means large. How the hell did you lose your remote?”

Darren looked up from where he had whispering in Chris’s ear to answer his costar.

“Oh, I haven’t used the remote for weeks. I’ve usually been a bit too distracted to watch TV,” he wiggled his eyebrows at Chris, whose smirk evolved into a snort, “and besides, I have a thing for Dick Clark.” He gestured towards the rerun of “$100,000 Pyramid” that was playing on the Game Show Network.

Lea shrugged and got comfortable on her end of the couch. It could be worse. They could be watching “Urban Tarzan” again.


Twenty minutes, eight apologies and excuses from the crew, and new record “Pyramid” win later, the program switched to “The Newlywed Game.”

Lea sighed. “Sometimes I wish they had a celebrity version of this show. Cory and I would kill it.”

Chris had been close to falling asleep on Darren’s chest, so he was less than enthused when his boyfriend sat up to respond to whatever Lea had just said.

“Excuse me, but Chris and I would definitely kick your asses at the newlywed game.”

Chris rolled his eyes and tried to push Darren back down because cuddling, but he was having nothing of it.

“Excuse me? Cory and I have been dating much longer than you two have! And we’ve known each other for years.”

“Time doesn’t mean anything! Chris and I tell each other everything! Aren’t you the one who always talks about our ‘weird connections that’s actually really romantic’?” Darren’s falsetto at the end of his taunt made Lea glare even harder. The two looked like they were poised to attack.

Chris sighed and sat up, looking back and forth between the two stubborn participants of this weird staring contest. Just when it seemed the tension couldn’t get any thicker, Lea and Darren suddenly stood up and marched out of the trailer, promises of finding Cory and Chord trailing behind them.

Chris sat back on the couch and rubbed a hand over his face. Well this was going to be interesting.


“So, wait, what do you want me to do?”

Darren sighed. It really wasn’t that difficult to understand, and who knew when they’d have to start filming again?

“Lea thinks she and Cory would beat me and Chris at The Newlywed Game, and that’s bull because Chris and I would totally kick their asses, so we’re going to settle it now. And I need to you be the host-moderator guy.”

“So you’re asking me to be Bob Eubanks?”

“What? Yeah, I guess. Whatever. Are you in?”

Darren was bouncing on his toes now. He just wanted to get back to the trailer already and kick Lea’s ass. Metaphorically, of course.

“Sure dude, I’m in.”

Darren fist pumped and grabbed Chord’s arm, dragging him back to the trailer. It was on.


20 minutes later and it still wasn’t on.

“For fuck’s sake, Chord! How long does it take to find a few questions to ask?”

Chord just looked up from his laptop screen to glare at Darren, mumbling something about being underappreciated. Darren just stuck his tongue out and slumped back in his seat, looking every bit like a five year old. Chris rolled his eyes but gave his boyfriend’s shoulders a squeeze.

“Calm down, Darre. There’s no rush. Joaquin popped in while you were off on you Chord-hunt and said that they have to wait until tomorrow for those new fancy lights to ship or whatever, remember?”

Darren just huffed in response, making Chris throw his hands in the air in exasperation. He glanced over at Cory and gave him a sympathetic shrug when he saw that his on-screen brother was going through a similar battle with his girlfriend. They had to pick the crazy ones,

“Okay, I got it. 5 questions each. Darren, Lea, out of the trailer. I’ll ask Cory and Chris what they think your answers will be first.”

“Actually, Chord, I think I’ll wait outside with Lea.” Chris wasn’t sure it was a good idea to leave Lea and Darren unsupervised. They were taking this way too seriously.

“Whatever works for you, dude.”

Once they had closed the door, drowning out Lea’s final shout of “You’re going down, Criss!’, Chord turned to the two remaining men.

“Okay, get your notecards ready. Question Number 1: What was the first gift you gave your partner, and what was the first gift they gave you?”


Chris jumped as there was a loud knock on the door he was leaning against.

“Alright guys, come on in!”

Lea jumped up and opened the door so fast that Chris had to actually jump out of the way to avoid getting hit. Once they were settled back in the trailer in their respective pairs, Chord sat back down behind his laptop.

“Okay, I’m sure you all know how this works, but just to be sure. I’ll read out a question. Lea, you’ll answer it, then Cory will show you his index card to see if your answers match. Then the same will happen with Chris and Darren. There are five questions to go through.”

Chris felt Darren shift beside him, and he looked up to see his boyfriend sticking his tongue out at Lea, who flipped him off in response. Darren opened his mouth, no doubt to call Lea a “meanie” or something equally ridiculous, but Chris clapped his hand over his mouth before he could say a word.

“Darren, this was your idea. Please stop acting like you’re in middle school or I will walk out of this trailer right now.”

Lea stuck her tongue out at Darren’s pout, causing Chris to shriek “Oh my god, Lea, that goes for you too! Honestly, I thought I was the youngest one here, but you two are insufferable. Chord, just ask the damn question already.”

Chord cleared his throat and scrolled back to the top of the document he had open.

“Okay, Lea, what was the first gift you gave Cory, and vice versa?”

Chris didn’t notice her answer because he was too busy try to calm down, but from her shriek and Darren’s hissed fuck he was pretty sure it matched Cory’s.

“Alright, Chris, same question. First gifts.”

“Well, that’s easy. I got Darren Warbler-colored sunglasses a few weeks after he joined the cast, and he got me a case of diet coke for my birthday because he forgot about it until that morning, the idiot.”

Darren grinned as he held up a card that had Sunnies & Diet Coke scrawled on it. Chris couldn’t help but feel pleased with himself. He was nowhere near as into this as Darren and Lea were, but he was having fun.


They finished the round tied at 4 – 4 (Darren had said that their first kiss was as Kurt and Blaine because he thought Chris was going to be technical, the idiot, Cory had said Lea’s dream vacation would be Hawaii when come on, Cory, don’t you remember how much she liked Cabo?). Darren and Cory were sitting outside the trailer, waiting for Chris and Lea to finish answering their own questions. Well, they were both sitting now. Darren had been pacing until Cory told him on no uncertain terms that if he didn’t sit his ass down himself he was going to do it for him.

He didn’t sit still for long, however. As soon as he heard Chord say something about “going to get the guys,” he leapt up and yanked the door open.

Darren ran over to where Chris was sitting, flopping down next to him and turning his attention to Chord. “Okay, Overstreet. Bring it on.”

“Okay, we’ll start with you this time then. Darren, what’s your blood type?”

Shit. It’s B…something. Right? Chuck’s B – something, so that means Darren’s probably B, too.

“Um, B…positive?”

Chris held up his card, displaying a B with a plus sign next to it.

“You’re actually O positive, but I know that you always forget that yours is different than Chuck’s. Which is why I put a card in your wallet after that time you sliced your finger open and we had to go to the ER for stitches, you idiot.”

Darren laughed and pecked Chris on the lips. How the hell did he get so lucky?

“Yeah, well, I’m A negative. Right Cory?” Lea smiled sweetly at her boyfriend, who grimaced as he held up the card saying O positive.

“Sorry! I really had no idea, and this is the most common so I guessed!”

Lea pouted as they moved to the next question.

“What is the last thing you fought about?”


10 minutes later, it was all over. Cory was off consoling a sulking Lea – How did we lose? And by one point! I demand a rematch! This isn’t over, Darren! – and Chord had been stolen by Harry and Kevin for some elaborate Vine. Chris was content because they were back to snuggling on the couch, all silly games forgotten.

“I still can’t believe we won! Lea’s never going to get over it. I won’t let her.”

Or not. Chris sighed and lifted his head from its comfortable home on Darren’s shoulder.

“Yeah, we didn’t do half bad, especially for not being actual newlyweds yet.”

Chris didn’t even process what he had said until he noticed Darren’s uncharacteristic silence. He looked up at his boyfriend and noticed there were tears in his eyes.

“You…you think we’re going to be newlyweds?”

Shit. They hadn’t talked about marriage ever, not even when they had read the script where Blaine went ring shopping. Sure, Chris’s brain had yelled at him to just bring it up already, but he’d been too scared of scaring Darren off. And now he’d gone and fucked everything up. God dammit her really needed to learn how to think before speaking –

His train of thought was cut off by a pair of lips pressing insistently against his. He pulled back and stared at Darren, apology on the tip of his tongue, when he noticed the grin on his face. Oh. The idea of getting married didn’t scare Darren, it made him happy.

“Yeah…I do think we’re going to be newlyweds someday.”

He glanced shyly down at Darren, failing to hold back the smile threatening to take over his face. Yeah, it was a long way off, but they were actually talking about getting married.

“Well…good. I mean, it’ll totally be helpful to have a husband to remember my blood type for me. And to buy me sunglasses. And to keep me from acting like a toddler.”

Darren just laughed when the pillow collided with his face, Chris punctuating each blow with phrases like ruined the moment and trying to be romantic and, of course, you are SUCH and idiot. He pulled the offensive pillow out of Chris’s hands, kissing him again and settling them back into optimum cuddling position.

They reveled in the content silence, the gravity of the situation highlighted by just how right it felt. They stayed that way for a few minutes until Darren couldn’t hold back any longer.

“So, do you prefer Chris Criss-Colfer, or Chris Colfer-Criss, because I think they both sound ridiculous.”

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