In Which Brian Is A Cockblock

Pairings: Crisscolfer

Words: ~700

Summary: Darren is really tired of Brian getting all of Chris’s attention. Based on this picture.

Darren loves kissing Chris. It’s probably his favorite thing to do.

He just loves putting his mouth on his boyfriend’s body, marking him as his own. It doesn’t matter where, really. His incredibly soft lips. The scar on his neck.  The small of his back. The adorably ticklish spot at the back of his knee. The list goes on and on.

The important thing is, right now, Darren’s lying on the floor with Chris, doing his favorite thing. Things aren’t really hot and heavy right now, Darren is exploring the bare chest underneath him while Chris scratches his head in a way that feels really good while checking his phone, but Darren’s completely content with that. Okay, maybe not completely. But he figures moving up to mouth over Chris’s nipple might get his attention.

He doesn’t count on something else getting his attention first.

“Oh my god Brian!” Chris’s nose scrunches up in amusement as his gaze settles somewhere past Darren’s head.

Darren’s forehead hits Chris’s chest with a light thud. It’s always the fucking cat.

Darren’s always been an animal person. At least, their family dog always liked him. Though that could have had something to do with the multitude of scraps he fed her at the dinner table when his mom wasn’t looking. Still, he’s always gotten along well with the varying species he encountered. Well, until Brian.

It isn’t just that the cat is incredibly large. And intelligent, like seriously. It isn’t even that he seems to hate Darren with every fiber of his feline being. No, Darren can live with that. The impossible thing, the thing that made Darren exert enough effort to hate a cat, is his freakish ability to cockblock.

It isn’t something that only happened once or twice. In fact, the first few times, Darren had shrugged it off as a coincidence, as an animal that was just really attached to his owner. Now he’s much less naïve.

It had started innocently enough. The first time Chris and Darren made out on the couch, Brian started meowing. Like, really loudly. Loudly enough that Chris, albeit reluctantly, crawled out from under Darren to feed the cat. Who happened to stop meowing as soon as Chris stood up. The next time was a little weirder. They were snuggling in Chris’s bedroom, and Darren had just made the decision to turn the cuddlefest into a make out session when Brian was suddenly at the foot of the bed. It wouldn’t have been that strange except for the fact that the door was closed. The whole time. Darren is still trying to figure that one out.

Anyway, Brian the cat is a very effective cockblock. It’s a fact, and while Darren finds it infuriating, Chris seems to find it adorable. Which Darren tries not to take to heart. But c’mon, is a cat really better than making out? So it’s totally understandable that he’s less than pleased, and maybe a little pouty, as he looks over his shoulder to see what the evil animal has done to once again steal Chris’s attention.

“Jesus Christ, your cat is huge. This is a terrible angle for him.”

It’s the truth. Being viewed from underneath a glass table is not a good look for the cat at all. Chris just laughs and snaps a picture on his phone, emails forgotten. Stupid Brian. Darren is supposed to be the one distracting Chris.

He stops pouting when his phone vibrates in his pocket, making the little chirpy noise that means a tweet alert. Which means that Chris had tweeted, considering his tweets are the only ones Darren has sent to his phone. He looks up at his boyfriend as he reaches into his pocket, his puzzled expression met by a frustratingly impassive one.

When he clicks through to Chris’s instagram, he can’t hold back a short laugh. It is an extremely unflattering picture, which Darren gets a twisted sort of pleasure in. He has to mentally shake himself for that one. Being jealous of a cat is a bit ridiculous.

He turns back around to look at the cat himself, but Brian is gone. Darren shrugs and writes it off as a small victory, refusing to overthink it. He has more important things in his life than a feud with a cat, he thinks to himself as he lowers his lips back to down to Chris’s nipple, getting his full attention this time. His favorite things.

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